Animals Guide to Hogwarts
by TattleTaylor
Summary: In the life of the school, the readers will get an inside view of the animal instincts of the people that go to Hogwarts and how they act. ONE SHOT!


**Animals Guide to Hogwarts **

**In the life of the school, the readers will get an inside view of the animal instincts of the people that go to Hogwarts and how they live.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters, I do not make any money, I only do it for my ego, and for my reader's enjoyment**

**One shot: Animals Guide to Hogwarts:

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In this specific place as some scientists call 'School', a certain type of animal lives here, we call them 'students' or maybe even 'teenagers', we have learned a great deal from observing these type of humans, and want to share them with you. There are four tribes in this vicinity, but they all live together, they are each called a different name: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Within each of the tribes are 'students', and we shall take you on the wonderful tour of a 'students' daily ritual. We have gone to the Gryffindor tribe, and have observed one 'student' to see how his daily ritual begins, let us begin…

As you see here, in each tribe, the males and females are split up into different living quarters. In this particular living area, there are a few males. Including the one we are observing, we have named this specific male 'Harry'. When a male 'student' gets up in the morning, they usually make grunting noises to alert the others that they are awake.

The males hate to be clean, but if they do not cleanse themselves, the females will follow the males around until they do so. So unhappily, 'Harry' begins his daily ritual. See as he runs his hand through his hair? He is making himself look bigger so the others will respect him. 'Harry' begins by scrapping a stick with bristles on the end to clean his teeth; he uses a white substance to help. Our scientists believe they call it a 'Tooth Cleaner' the others soon follow.

After cleaning off in a white square room that sprays water, 'Harry' puts on clean clothes and ventures out of his living quarters into the meeting area where all the tribes meet every morning. The tribe masters sit at the front of the meeting area, they are the rulers of this 'School' in which the tribes live. Each tribe has a table given to their tribe. In the meeting area at this time, they eat the morning feast. 'Harry' sits with his colleagues. A female from their tribe, and a male from his living quarters, we have named the female 'Hermione', and the male one 'Ronald'. Each morning this ritual is the same.

After the meeting, the 'students' must partake in daily education from the tribe masters 'Harry' and his tribe must learn in a different area with a different tribe. In the first area, they must work along side the Slytherin tribe, with the tribe master known as 'Snape' We have watched this tribe master and have found that even though the females have tried their hardest to make him do so, he has not bathed in sixteen years, leaving his hair greasy and gross, As we have also learned, 'Snape' is Slytherin's tribe master, and does not like Gryffindor. He likes to torment the younger 'students' to make himself feel powerful.

Every day they must learn how to cook a kind of soup to make the tribe master happy, and if he is not happy, he will make you go to jail, as we also call 'detention'. Of he will take things away from that tribe or as we like to call 'points'. 'Harry' lost ten 'points' for today and leaves after a bell rings to tell them to move on to the next area of education.

'Harry' has a rival from a different tribe, from the Slytherin, he meets the boy outside of the area and the other male, 'Draco' as we like to call him, taunts 'Harry' . 'Draco' is very good at taunting. 'Draco' also likes to feel powerful and it the alpha male of the Slytherins. He gets into a fight with 'Harry' and they uses sticks as weapons, but never hit the opponent, only to yell strange words and sending colored lights at each other.

Finally a tribe master, 'McGonagall' is the tribe master of Gryffindor. She stopped the fight, and they were sent to different areas to learn. After two more areas complete, along with extra work for the 'students' to practice and study with, the tribes yet again meet together for another feast.

'Harry' has very important conversations with his fellow male friends, things like girls and food. 'Ron' can be very vicious about his food. He seems to be either slow in learning, or does not wish to eat as the others do. He does not know how to use the metal tools beside his plate, and prefers to use his hands to stuff as much food into his mouth all at one time; this does not please the female tribe members.

When the males eat, they like to communicate using grunts and snorts, while the females prefer to swallow before talking. After the feast, the 'students' must go to another area of the 'school' to learn about something else. The Gryffindor's must share the area with the Ravenclaw tribe members, who are known as the smartest tribe, and tend to be cocky about it.

They are in the Gryffindor tribe master area, where they lean how to turn a chair into a couch. "Hermione' is the first one who does this perfectly, and she earns herself glares from the Ravenclaw side.

After the bell sound went of again, the Gryffindor tribe set off to another area of the 'school' to a different master, this master was a short man who needed lots of books to see the tribes. We call this short male 'Flitwick' and he teaches the tribes (Gryffindor and Hufflepuff) how to make things float. After 'Harry' managed to make a freaked out 'Ron' float five feet in the air, the bell went for them to go to the last area of the day.

This last area is outside of the 'school' and the Gryffindor's and Slytherin's must walk all the way out to a small hut in which a giant male lives. Today the tribe master 'Hagrid' teaches them about animals, in the middle of the lesson, 'Draco' tormented the animal (unicorn) and ended up being kicked in the stomach very hard and flung back twenty feet before hitting a tree. (I love Draco, but I had to) the bell finally went for them to go for one last feast for the day, and the two tribes walked back, the Slytherin's grumbling at how idiotic their tribe leader was being,(I love him! But I wouldn't fit with the story if I was nice to him!) While 'Harry's' tribe happily trudged up towards the 'school' and were happy to be able to eat.

During the last feast of the day, 'Harry' did something that was not in his daily routine, he did something he had never done before.

'Harry' started war.

It started simple enough; all 'Harry' did was fling a little bit of custard at 'Draco' across the area when he heard the word "mudblood" come from his mouth. As soon as it hit the rival in between the eyes, the war had begun.

"FOOD FIGHT!"

Pie's and custard and mashed potatoes were flung every around the area. Corn and cake landed in every other face. Most 'student's went under the table to avoid being hit. By the time the tribe masters calmed everyone down and stopped the war, the damage had been done.

'Harry' was covered with pasta, cheese cake, mashed potatoes, oatmeal, and pumpkin juice.

'Ron' was eating the cake that was resting in his hair, also being covered head to toe in pie. (He didn't seem to unhappy about being covered in food)

'Hermione' seemed like she was the only one unharmed by the war (she his behind 'Snape' who was now covered in creamed corn, and was looking very mad that his tribe did not protect him (they were throwing it at him instead)

'Draco' was standing in the middle of it all, his perfect blond hair was askew, and his body was covered with peas, mashed potato in his perfect hair, he looked very unhappy.

After a sudden swish of a stick, the mess disappeared, and all the tribes looked at the ultimate head tribe master. 'Dumbledore' was his name; he was the leader of the entire 'school'. He sent them all to bed.

When 'Harry' made it to his living quarters, he had to deal with an outraged female 'Hermione' who gave him the ultimate punishment: A LECTURE! (Hide!) 'Harry' often got theses punishments from her, but he knew how to make her stop. He hugged her and said he was sorry, it was the oldest trick in the book but it works.

'Harry' must sleep for the night, so he retreats to his territory that he shares with his other male tribe members. Most are asleep already, but his close friend 'Ron' was still eating pie off his chest, the mess in the meeting area was clean…just not the 'students'. 'Harry' swished his stick and mumbled a few words, the food was gone, 'Ron' seemed mad for a moment, but then he smiled and collapsed onto his bed. With the day over, 'Harry' decided that rest would be a good idea, so he but on sleeping garments and went to bed, the snorts and mumbling from the one nearby was the unmistakable sound of his friend 'Ron' snoring. With that sound in his head, 'Harry' happily ends his day, and happy that he lived another day with his tribe.

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I hope that you have enjoyed our guide into the mind of a teenage student that goes to Hogwarts, we still have much to learn about this strange place, and maybe one day we will understand the ways of life for these people, but until then:

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Fin

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**I wrote this in one day, I hope you liked it, I thought it was funny, and I hope you do to, leave me a review if you like, I love reviews.**

Tay)


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